Saturday, July 16, 2011

Grocery Store Encounters Pt. 2

I feel the need to let you know that those examples were two extremes and maybe the most extreme we have encountered. Most of the time the visibility shows itself in stares with both supportive looks and disgust, or stares from people who are trying not to stare...those are my favorite. And really more often than not, when others comment on Karis, it is just to say how cute she is.

But I will say the adoption questions come on a pretty regular basis. Most of the time those are well meaning and come with a "I have a second cousin who is adopted," or "my sister's boyfriend's sister adopted a baby from Africa" (everyone assumes she is from Africa). If I'm being completely honest, those things don't bother me too much. The thing that concerns me is when K gets older and she begins to understand what people are saying. I don't want her to feel the insecurity that comes with constantly being asked "Where she is from," or "Do you know her Mom?"

Enter soap box/lesson on how to speak about adoption in a sensitive way:

I am her Mom. Van is her Dad. If you need to ask a question about her biological parents please refer to them as birthparents or biological parents. I know what you are asking and I probably won't correct you, but know that it is important.

Also (for lack of a better way to say it) it isn't really anyone else's business if we have a relationship with her birthfamily or why they "chose adoption" not "gave her up" (think about the message that portrays to Karis). If you and I have a genuine relationship or if you have honest questions about adoption you can ask me about all of that, but know that it is Karis' story to tell, not mine, so I will have to be vague in the best interest of my daughter.

I feel a little like I am scaring people away from asking me about adoption. Know that I Love adoption and I love to talk about adoption, all I'm asking is that you are sensitive in the way you approach the subject and sensitive in your expectations.

So, basically, the point of this post is to ask you to think before you stare. Think before you speak. Think about what your words portray to those who you are talking to and those that can hear.

There is your daily lesson. Thanks for reading.

1 comment:

Nikki said...

Love this post! Love your honesty! :)