Friday, March 4, 2011

All in 24 hours

Well, I had hoped to never have any experience with this, (even though I know that it happens in the world of adoption), but let me tell you the story of our past 24 hours.

At 3:30 yesterday (Van's birthday) we received the phone call that we have been waiting for. (The social worker wasn't kidding when she told me to get prepared.) It was our adoption counselor calling to ask us to consider a baby. She gave me a ton of information about the health of the baby and the baby's parents, and then asked if we would be willing to meet the birthmother at the hospital in about an hour. I called Van, it was a no brainer, so after calling the prayer chains we hopped in the car and headed to the hospital. We were so nervous, but it just seemed so perfect. He (the baby is a boy) shares a birthday with our niece, we got a call on Van's birthday (which he has been saying would happen all along) and the baby was beautiful and healthy. We were told not to get our hopes up too high because she had not officially picked us yet. She wanted to meet us before she could make a final decision. We went into it telling ourselves that we were prepared to be turned down, and we were fine.

We met the adoption worker at the hospital and she escorted us up to her room. As we were waiting in the hallway the dinner cart came by and I know this is random, but it had a little plaque on the side that said "4 Thompson." We took that as a good sign. As soon as we entered the room, she looked at me and asked if I would like to hold him. Of course I said yes, but the whole time I was thinking, "I'm not supposed to get my hopes up, but I'm supposed to sit here and hold him, I don't know how this is going to go." It ended up not being any big deal because probably 15 minutes into the conversation, she said that she really liked us and got a good feeling about us and that she would love for us to raise him. We cried, hugged, got excited. It was beautiful. We hung out with them for probably 2 hours, made plans to pick him up tomorrow and went home to prepare.

Now, at this point no one's rights had been terminated, we knew this, but had also decided that it would be worth the risk of disappointment and hurt in order to be able to bond with the baby right off the bat. She said that the father was supportive of whatever decision she wanted to make and she seemed pretty sure so we weren't too worried. Well, we didn't have time to be worried, we were bringing home a baby tomorrow and currently had no clothes, diapers, bottles, wipes, etc. We were overwhelmed and excited.

This morning, as we waited on the call to come and sign our paperwork, we put the car seat in the car, made room for the bassinet in our bedroom and cleaned. When the phone rang we were anxious and ready to get things moving. It was not the call we were hoping for. It was basically a call saying that some of the baby's family had arrived and were trying to talk the birthmother out of it. We waited most of the day to no avail. It was excruciating, the waiting for any news, but the waiting is over and he is not ours.

Right now we are confused and hurting, but we are overwhelmed by the support around us. If there is anything we have learned over the last 24 hours, it is that we are loved and supported by so many. Thank you all for sharing in our excitement and then our grief. We are so lucky to have you in our lives.

I debated about whether or not I should share the story, but I really want to remember the whole of our adoption journey, not just the easy parts. My prayer is that God will be glorified through this our hurt and sense of loss, although right now its hard to understand. Its incredible how much it hurts given that 25 hours ago we had no idea this would even happen, but God is good, all the time (I am a baptist at heart). We're praying for His peace, and for healing.



John and Jennifer said...

Oh Sweet Kristin!! So sorry for the pain! I'm mourning with you and Van. We love you and are so excited for what God has for you. I'm praying now for His healing, His provision and His mercy. We love you both!!

Sarah Autry said...

I wish so badly I was there to give you a hug! This part of the story is so sad but I am glad that you have decided to share it. In our weakest moments Christ is all that is left to show the world and that is exactly what you and Van are doing now. Love you so much!

Ashley said...

Praying fervently for you guys. We are also praying and considering adoption and know that with it may come this type of pain. You are such an inspiration to me. I KNOW God will bless you guys with a beautiful little one!