Baby girl's adoption story

This is long overdue, which puts a lot of pressure on it to be perfect, but I really want to tell the story if for no other reason, so that I remember it. It picks up from the loss of baby boy #1, because like it or not, that is part of the story.

When we heard about baby boy #1 it seemed really perfect. My adoption friends all talk about how God used little things to show them that their child was theirs. There were multiple things about that baby that made me think he was ours. He was born on my niece's birthday, we found out about him on Van's birthday and the biggest thing was that I have one cousin who is adopted who shares a name with that baby's birth mom. It just seemed perfect, which is why I think that I let myself enter it so fully without protecting my heart. When I look back on it now, I can see that I was looking for those things, trying to make it work in my heart so that I would then have a good story to tell when all along I should have been listening to the Lord. When it fell through I was crushed and really had a hard time believing it was over.

All this time I knew that God was sovereign, but it was just hard to accept that it was 'best' for us to be hurt in this way (because obviously this was all about me).

A few days after the loss of the baby I went to the bookstore to find a new book to read because every book on my to-read list at home was about adoption and I needed to just not think about adoption for a while. I randomly* got the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. From the first page God began to use her words to heal my heart and mature my faith. A quote from the third page says "How do I wake up to joy and grace and beauty and all that is the fullest life when I must stay numb to losses and crushed dreams and all that empties me out?" God used the book to meet me in a place of hurt and brokenness and discouragement and take me to a place of thankfulness in all things and joy in the midst of pain.

Now, a little information just to give you the full picture: after the loss of the baby boy, Van and I had a few conversations about if we were emotionally in a place to accept a little girl if we were called about a girl.

On March 15, I was reading this book, the author was breaking down Luke 22:19 which is when Jesus breaks the bread and gives thanks just a few hours before He is to be beaten and crucified. The word for thanksgiving there is eucharisteo which has the word Charis, grace, and Chara, joy. Now I don't say this often, but God spoke to me very clearly and said, you will name your daughter Karis Joy. Again, I don't frequently go around saying "God told me," but that is exactly what happened. I knew it like I know that my eyes are green. I was floored because really in my head I had always thought we would have a boy, but I just said yes Lord and went to sleep. The next day we headed to the beach for what we were jokingly calling our "Babymoon," (if only we knew) and on the way there I shared with Van what God had told me. I'm not sure what he thought, but it planted the seed for him.

On Friday, March 18, we spent the day on the beach and had actually just had a conversation about how the biggest decision we had to make that day was where we we were going to eat dinner. When we got back to the condo we had both missed a call from our social worker and her voicemail said that there was a "situation" (code for baby) that she needed to run by us. We were really nervous and almost didn't want to call her back because we did not want to go through the hurt again, but we did. She told us about a little GIRL born MARCH 15 (at that point I could barely breathe) who was currently in cradle care and her birthmother had an appointment to surrender her rights. Were we interested? As soon as I heard March 15, I jumped up got my journal and began pointing to my entry on that day where I had written her name. Of course we were interested! We were ready to jump in the car and come home, but she encouraged us to stay, as they didn't want us to take the baby home until after the bmom's rights were at least surrendered. We could assume the risk until they were terminated if we wanted to. We decided to enjoy our vacation (although it was all we could think about) and keep it to ourselves until we got home. I am so thankful that we were on vacation and that it was just us. It allowed us to be in this together and not depend on other's reactions. It allowed us to be a team and was just a really sweet time of being just the two of us for a few last days. That vacation, which we had planned two months earlier was really a gift from God. His timing is perfect.

We came home on Sunday, stopping to get some baby girl clothes on the way. Her bmom's rights were terminated on Monday, and we were able to bring her home on Wednesday. It was a very scary time until her rights were terminated. In fact her bfather's rights are not officially terminated yet, but I really feel like God spoke to us in a very real way to assure us that she is ours, and even if it's not forever, that He is in this.

Another coincidence** is that on her birthday (before we knew it was her birthday) was that Van got a bonus and some sweet friends offered us their condo saving us money which when put together gave us enough to be able to pay to bring her home. We did not have the money prior to this.

I know that God is Sovereign, but this story just magnifies that. It makes me cry just thinking about how He lovingly orchestrated it all. He allowed Van and I to have one last relaxing trip together before our lives changed. He told me about our baby girl before I knew about her so that I would have a peace when we brought her into our home. He even allowed her crib to come in two days before we brought her home. She is close to the same age as many of my friends who have babies. God is good and His timing is perfect, even when (especially when) it isn't how I would have done things.

*When I use the word randomly, it is often meant to show how God was working when I wasn't looking.

**same with coincidence

We had a yard sale...

Or maybe I should say the Lord had a yard sale, because there is no other way to explain what happened.

We had been planning to have a adoption fundraising yard sale for a while now, but it ended up being scheduled the weekend after Baby Girl came home. We decided that wouldn't work. A few weeks ago some sweet friends offered for us to just join them in their sale.

This past week was spent sorting and organizing what more families than I can count had donated to us. On Thursday morning we began setting things out and by Thursday afternoon, we were selling. We had to turn people away so that we could finish organizing for Friday. On Thursday alone, when we weren't even supposed to be open, we raised $3,000. Thursday night it rained and most things got wet, but that didn't deter shoppers and the Lord raised another $5,000 on Friday. Saturday it rained again, but again the Lord showed how big He is by giving us a total of $11,200 for the weekend. We were exhausted, sunburned and overjoyed! Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow!

These are Friday morning, and give you a picture of just how much stuff we had.

We raised enough to finish paying for our adoption and the other two families made a pretty good dent in their fundraising efforts.

What a beautiful picture of the gospel and what God can do when we give him our 'junk.'

And this is a picture of Baby Girl on Mother's Day, just because she is so cute!

And now there are three...

Three in our family. Well, I guess really 3 1/2 because we have to count the dog.

We have a daughter. On here I will call her baby girl because I'm weird about privacy stuff.

Isn't she beautiful. Yes, she is dressed very girly. It surprises me too. I am kind of against using your baby as a dress up doll, but she is just too cute!

The adoption story will come in a later post, but right now I will just give you an update on where we stand legally.

We are her guardians with the intent to adopt. Her birthmother's rights have been terminated. Her birthfather's have not, but we are not really concerned about that right now. It is just a matter of waiting (isn't that the theme of adoption?). So right now we are waiting on the birthfather's rights to be terminated, then in six months, we can legally adopt her.

It has taken so long to put this up simply because we were keeping it quiet until the birthmother's rights were terminated, and since then, we have been busy feeding, changing, sleeping.

Apologies if this is poorly written and doesn't make much sense. I have baby brain (aka, sleep deprivation).

Stay tuned for the full story. I promise it's a good one!

A Song

I am a music person. I love music, all types of music. It can improve my mood, motivate me, pass the time, convict, or comfort. I said to someone the other day that music speaks to my soul. I felt silly as soon as I said it, but it is true. A song can speak to me in ways that the words all by themselves cannot. That being said, it is not uncommon for me to get stuck on a song. If the words are excellent, and I feel like I need it to get into my heart, I'll listen to it so loudly and so many times that it drives Van nuts. I often find myself taking the long way home in order to listen to the song just one more time.

Last week, a precious friend delivered a cd that I haven't been able to stop listening to. It is called Wake Thy Slumbering Children by Indelible Grace. The one song that I switch it to every time I have a second is Abide with Me, which is apparently a hymn that I had never heard until now. I don't know if it is because I grew up on the KJV and Baptist Hymnal, but there is something so powerful about some of the good old hymns.

It was written by Henry Francis Lyte in 1847. The version that I have been listening to is recorded by Matthew Perryman Jones.

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;

And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,

Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,

On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?

Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;

Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.

Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?

I triumph still, abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

Is it suffering or just life?

Just some thoughts that I'm processing:

I don't think it's a surprise to anyone that our life the past two years hasn't been easy. I joke that we are on a six month rotation of disappointment, although it isn't really funny.

Our first robbery happened in May of 2009. It was hard because it took away our sense of security and made us feel vulnerable in a way we hadn't before.

In December of 2009 we encountered what I like to call the "big robbery." This one hurt in ways that I still have not recovered from, and I'm not sure that I ever will. It occurred in the middle of the day and obviously took all day because they just helped themselves to everything of value in our home. For a while I was scared to come home by myself, scared to leave the house alone, I was just wounded. One positive result of this particular situation is that I now am more careful about what we "need" because it is all temporary and not just in a super spiritual "you can't take it with you" kind of way.

Continuing on with the regular rotation, we were broken into again in August of 2010. This one I like to think of as God showing off. You see, I had really been reading a lot about spiritual warfare around that time. The best part of this story is that we were broken into, but nothing was taken, even though one of our friend's laptop computer was a few feet from the window that was compromised. I think that through this one Satan meant to discourage us (and it sort of worked), but we felt protected by something (or Someone) greater than our alarm system. This happened right around the time when were were beginning the application process for adoption and were just starting to talk with people about it.

Now I know this is crazy, but just last month I realized that it had been about 6 months since our last 'disappointment.' I actually began to get nervous. I began to notice myself being more careful about leaving our valuables in plain sight and leaving the lights on in the back yard.

So when all of the stuff happened with the adoption last weekend, I was upset, but in the midst of my tears I kind of thought, "Well, we were due for something like this." I have come to expect for things to not come easy for us. Whether it is the 'perfect' job that I have to leave because I just can't support it anymore, or the negative pregnancy tests among all of the excited phone calls of my expectant friends (we were adopting anyway), or getting robbed again, when we are not the only intentional neighbors around here; I have come to expect disappointment.

This is starting to sound like a pity party, which was not my intention, so let me get to the point/question.

Lately I've been thinking about suffering, meaning biblical suffering. On Sunday the sermon was about "The Cost of Discipleship" and in a Bible study I'm in we have been reading through 1 & 2 Peter

1 Peter 4:12-13 "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

Van and I have talked recently about our seemingly harder than normal life and we realized that all of these things that bring suffering into our lives (our choice to live in the inner-city, our choice to adopt) are choices we have made because of Christ. We live where we do in an effort to be like Jesus. He loved on the poor, so will we. We are adopting because "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (Obviously each of these are only the beginning of why we made these decisions.)

So, here is the question: Our hardships, are they suffering, or just life? I find it hard to think of these things as suffering for Christ because no one is attacking me or persecuting me because I claim the name of Christ, but I'm beginning to wonder. So, what is the cost of discipleship in the land of the free?

All in 24 hours

Well, I had hoped to never have any experience with this, (even though I know that it happens in the world of adoption), but let me tell you the story of our past 24 hours.

At 3:30 yesterday (Van's birthday) we received the phone call that we have been waiting for. (The social worker wasn't kidding when she told me to get prepared.) It was our adoption counselor calling to ask us to consider a baby. She gave me a ton of information about the health of the baby and the baby's parents, and then asked if we would be willing to meet the birthmother at the hospital in about an hour. I called Van, it was a no brainer, so after calling the prayer chains we hopped in the car and headed to the hospital. We were so nervous, but it just seemed so perfect. He (the baby is a boy) shares a birthday with our niece, we got a call on Van's birthday (which he has been saying would happen all along) and the baby was beautiful and healthy. We were told not to get our hopes up too high because she had not officially picked us yet. She wanted to meet us before she could make a final decision. We went into it telling ourselves that we were prepared to be turned down, and we were fine.

We met the adoption worker at the hospital and she escorted us up to her room. As we were waiting in the hallway the dinner cart came by and I know this is random, but it had a little plaque on the side that said "4 Thompson." We took that as a good sign. As soon as we entered the room, she looked at me and asked if I would like to hold him. Of course I said yes, but the whole time I was thinking, "I'm not supposed to get my hopes up, but I'm supposed to sit here and hold him, I don't know how this is going to go." It ended up not being any big deal because probably 15 minutes into the conversation, she said that she really liked us and got a good feeling about us and that she would love for us to raise him. We cried, hugged, got excited. It was beautiful. We hung out with them for probably 2 hours, made plans to pick him up tomorrow and went home to prepare.

Now, at this point no one's rights had been terminated, we knew this, but had also decided that it would be worth the risk of disappointment and hurt in order to be able to bond with the baby right off the bat. She said that the father was supportive of whatever decision she wanted to make and she seemed pretty sure so we weren't too worried. Well, we didn't have time to be worried, we were bringing home a baby tomorrow and currently had no clothes, diapers, bottles, wipes, etc. We were overwhelmed and excited.

This morning, as we waited on the call to come and sign our paperwork, we put the car seat in the car, made room for the bassinet in our bedroom and cleaned. When the phone rang we were anxious and ready to get things moving. It was not the call we were hoping for. It was basically a call saying that some of the baby's family had arrived and were trying to talk the birthmother out of it. We waited most of the day to no avail. It was excruciating, the waiting for any news, but the waiting is over and he is not ours.

Right now we are confused and hurting, but we are overwhelmed by the support around us. If there is anything we have learned over the last 24 hours, it is that we are loved and supported by so many. Thank you all for sharing in our excitement and then our grief. We are so lucky to have you in our lives.

I debated about whether or not I should share the story, but I really want to remember the whole of our adoption journey, not just the easy parts. My prayer is that God will be glorified through this our hurt and sense of loss, although right now its hard to understand. Its incredible how much it hurts given that 25 hours ago we had no idea this would even happen, but God is good, all the time (I am a baptist at heart). We're praying for His peace, and for healing.

--Kristin

Big News for the Thompsons!

We're adopting!

If you have talked to us in the past few months, this shouldn't come as a surprise, but yep, its out there for the world we're adopting!

We have chosen to adopt an infant domestically, through Bethany Christian Services. We have finished the mountain of paperwork and answered all of the invasive questions and last week we were officially put on the waiting list. Needless to say, we are excited.

Today I visited the Bethany office to make another payment and more importantly ask them about the waiting list that we had just become a part of. I tried to ask about it like it was no big deal, you know, I'm only asking because I'm here sort of thing, when in reality, I was only there so I could ask the question. She surprised me by responding to my casual, off the cuff question with a not so casual response, "Let's go into my office." I don't know what I expected when she responded that way, but it wasn't what I got. She basically informed me that we are the only family on our particular waiting list. (I should pause here to explain what I mean by that.)

Van and I have prayed about this for a while now and we feel that we were not going to put racial or gender stipulations on our adoption. In fact one of the things that pushed us to adopt was the knowledge that non-caucasion children are so much less likely to be adopted. We did not come to this decision lightly as we know that parenting a child of a different race will require extra care and thoughtfulness. But one thing that we are very excited about is the possibility that our family will be a small picture of God's family. We have tried to be very strategic in keeping our lives diverse, so we will be sure to lean on our community to support us in raising our babies.

So, basically, what she told me, is that we are currently the only family waiting on a non-caucasion child. The next woman who walks into the Bethany office will be placed with us, unless she doesn't like us. Which is absolutely crazy! She continued by encouraging me to get ready for a baby. This is not at all what I expected when I asked. I had anticipated being 2nd or 3rd on the list, but I was sure that she would caution me to not get my hopes up. I'm pretty sure that is their default mode is to keep the expectations low, so I still don't know what to think about this.

The reality is that we could still wait a very long time, and I'm trying to remind myself of that, BUT it could be soon. CRAZY! Get Excited, cause we are!